So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
