I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
