if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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