I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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