Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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