I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm like, not good at living.
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