dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
