we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
