i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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