i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
