Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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