you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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