Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
