I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
