apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
