You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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