After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it's like iHOP with fire
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
