when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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