the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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