I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
