I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
