thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
