i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
