My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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