I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's never too late to be topless.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
