Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
