You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
