I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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