I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
