yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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