Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
one might say we're banned from that church
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He felt like a one man threesome
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
