who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
