You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
