Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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