fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
