Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
