I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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