you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
