and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am naked and annoyed.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
