All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
