Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
