i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
