xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
