I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
