wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
