I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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