my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
