who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
