the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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