Umm I'm too high to move.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
