Rock
Scissors
Fuck
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
