She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
