so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
