what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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