i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
